You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. -Lord Buddha
Yes, I do realise that anger is my biggest enemy but very late. So late that I was left with no one in my life, I lost my friends, my relatives, and most important my love. The world seems so beautiful when you are in love and that too when it is your first love but how empty the world becomes when you lose her just because of your silly anger only people who went through it can explain.
I was the one who filled love in her and I was the one who showed her what hatred is. Yes, it looks contradictory but it is true. During starting phase of our relationship everything was fine but after a few months the Anger demon came out from me. I started scolding her on each and everything. Even for silly mistakes, most of the times without reason, sometimes for her health problems I scolded her.
She used to listen to everything silently, sometimes tears rolled down from her big beautiful eyes but in vain, tears were of no use, they made me angrier. She tried her best to please me, love me more and more but everything went in vain.
It was a date(never thought that it will be our last date ). She called me up in the evening and asked if I want to go to Starbucks for a coffee. I said okay we will go. That evening I had a harsh discussion with one of my friends( of course it was me who was wrong) and I was not in a very good mood. Even though I went. She dressed up for me and was looking pretty but I did not say a word. I was silent for long, so she asked what happened and as usual, I started scolding her. Somehow she managed to finish her coffee mixed with my scoldings. We left for her home and situation started getting worse.
Here I did my biggest mistake, out of anger I abused her. She couldn't control herself and broke off, even after that I kept shouting at her. At last, I said something which she was not able to digest. She ran away to her flat. I also came back to my flat and went to sleep.
Next morning I woke up and thought I will say sorry to her, but something else was there in my fate.
I had a Whatsapp text from her saying "I WANT TO BREAK UP". She was not able to tolerate my anger anymore and she left me. You only realise the value of a person once you lose her. I begged I cried, I wanted her so badly in my life that I decided not to live without her. I decided to end my life.
I left taking food and water and started taking 10 paracetamol tablets daily. When my roommates came to know about it they took me to the hospital and saved my life.
After that the worst thing happened, I went to depression. I stayed away from everyone, completely alone. I started smoking. One of my professors took me to the psychologist but nothing worked out.
In December 2014, I went home and my cousins planned a trekking trip. I went just in order to get some peace of mind. Being with my cousins and travelling filled some positive energy to me.I returned to Chennai in January with a resolution "I can control anger and for sure I will do it"
I started reading more and more, joined a gym(used all my anger while doing the workout) and most important I started writing again(writing poems gave a lot of relief). I kept myself busy all the time and hence there was no room for anger. I cannot say that I have controlled it completely but yes I have brought it to a minimum level.
I have started a new life now it's your turn. Find your biggest enemy which lives somewhere inside you. Just throw it out and #Startanewlife.
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